if you like me you must not know who I am
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize