My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
