based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Still dying that you shit outside
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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