We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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