Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
