My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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