I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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