Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
