I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
