hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
