Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
