Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
