you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
