Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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