I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
