Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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