5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
