Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
