idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
