I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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