so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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