Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
