Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
