the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
