Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We are two peas in an std pod
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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