she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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