I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
