thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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