i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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