But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
