is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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