I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
