RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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