I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
