I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We left the knife in your bed.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
