All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Vodka?
Forever.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
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