Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
