The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
