Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
