She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
whose ass print is on the piano?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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