Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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