So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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