If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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