Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
