i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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