we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
