my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
