So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
