What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Enjoy the penises
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
