well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Holy sore nipples Batman
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
