how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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