Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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