just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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