i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
