I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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