..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
