Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
