Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize