I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
