i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
