The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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