Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
