dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
