Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
