Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
