I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't think brook has ever known best
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
